Pardon me while I take a moment to vent a little bit about my role as a parent. I'm hoping some other fellow moms out there will jump in for a little advice and even just sympathy. Been thinking today a lot about something I never really thought about before I was a parent. I have realized today that the act of discipline and following through on teaching your child a lesson can be more frustrating and punishing to the parent than to the child at times. There are cases when "this hurts me more than it hurts you" can be true.
We have been struggling the last couple weeks with getting Brendan to take a nap. Don't know if its a phase or what but its getting increasingly frustrating. In the past we haven't been real consistent on following through on our warnings and today we decided that it is essential to tighten up. We'll give lots of warnings and threats but most of the time we don't hold to them. For instance today at lunch....he wouldn't eat his lunch and just wanted to play with his toys at the table. We told him that after lunch Charlie would take him to a friends house and probably go to the park. He was very excited and we thought that would motivate him to eat right? Well, no....he refused to eat and we kept telling him if he didn't eat his lunch he would not go to his friends, he would go straight to nap time. He was not happy about that proposal but still wouldn't eat. We finally decided after about 30 minutes of us warning him that he had enough chances. This is something that we struggle to do because he is just so cute and sweet it is hard! Plus, I personally was looking forward to Charlie taking him out for a bit so I could do some much needed cleaning...or take a nap :) We made the decision, cancelled the playdate, and promptly sent him to bed. This was of course not a popular turn of events for said toddler. Oh well we knew that we had to follow through. After 2 hours of him NOT sleeping I finally released him from his "prison", not sure if he learned anything at all.
My frustration is this....its a GORGEOUS, late summer day outside and who knows how many we have left, so I want to be out enjoying it as a family while we can. Well, we spent our whole Sunday afternoon at home waiting for Brendan to take a nap. I am beyond annoyed. Now we can't go anywhere later because inevitably Brendan will fall asleep in the car, he always does, proving he still needs naps. He seems completely unfazed by all that has happened this afternoon and it seems the only one suffering is me. I can see why parents don't follow through on threats. It is so tempting to let him win and I'm trying to do the right thing. It is just disappointing and frustrating.
Megan,
ReplyDeleteMadeline stopped wanting to take a nap around the same age. After fighting it for months, I finally called the doctor. It was apparent she needed one, but she just refused. Her dr told us that you can't force someone to fall asleep so redirect naptime and call it quiet time. Give her one quiet toy and two quiet books--she picks. She has to stay in her bed but while in bed she can play and read as long as there is no talking. Amazingly enough, Maddie loved quiet time, loved picking out books and a toy, and all but a handful of days since has fallen asleep about 30 minutes into it. Its our saving grace!!
I totally feel your pain. Been there, done that, still there, still doing that. Something I have decided to do is when my kids think that they are outgrowing naps is that that time is still quiet time. M has refused naps a few times. I don't let him run around and play. He needs to be quietly reading books or coloring - something calm during nap time. Preferably in his room on his bed, but if that doesn't work the couch will be fine. It is a bummer if he's on the couch 'cuz then I can't get much done, since I need to be calm too. But then it's a good chance for me to read a book or magazine or take a little snooze on the couch with him.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what your routine before naps is, but if you're not already doing this it's an idea. Doing something calm between lunch and nap. Reading a couple books together, singing some calm songs together, maybe a baby einstein movie. Something to bridge the gap between being up and moving to being calm.
I know how you feel about following through on punishments. I'm having such a hard time with M right now. We have serious power struggles every day. It's not fun. Following through on the punishments isn't fun at all, but in the end it will be worth it. The first little while will be horrible - ok even more than horrible. But, soon enough as you continue to follow through it will get better. He will realize that you mean what you say.
On the opposite side, I have noticed that the more I come down on him the more I need to praise the good things he's doing. Lately I have noticed that the only things I was noticing him doing were the "bad" things. That was all he was hearing from me and he wasn't getting any better. I realized that he was just wanting attention. Since I started making a point of pointing out the good things he does the bad things have become less frequent.